One Angel Prince


I started to blog when a became pregnant with Riley and now, it is one of the few things i have to remember him by. We lost our darling little boy on 16th February 2010 at 31 weeks. I had a feeling that something was not right, that he hadn't moved much in the days leading up to his arrival so called the hospital and was told to come straight in to get checked out. I was concerned but thought that everything would be OK.

Riley didn't move much or maybe is was that i'm always so busy that i only ever noticed it at night when i went to bed. When i was pregnant with the girls; we would see feet sticking out, so clearly that you could count their toes. This never happened with Riley and I put it down to being a different baby, he never really bothered me much at all. I was much less sick with Riley then i was with the girls that is for sure. I had to carry zip lock bags with me every where with the girls and with Riley I was sick but he always allowed me enough time to get to the toilet to vomit rather then having to vomit down the front of myself whilst driving. He was such a caring little thing.


After arriving at the hospital my mum took the girls and i went to the delivery ward to get checked out. Mum really wanted to come in with me but I didn't want to have to deal with trying to keep the girls quite and still while we waited, so i sent them all on their way. I got taken to a room with another lady that was also concerned about her baby and the midwife tried to put the heart monitor on but could not find heart beat. I was not overly concerned about this as it had happened before. Due to having a long torso some dr and midwifes had to try hard to get the heart beat. It was the same with the girls. The midwife said how about we got to another room and get the ultrasound machine and get someone with more experience with the ultrasound to have a look. She then moved me to a private delivery room and the Dr came in. I should have know something was not right....


The Dr put the gel on my tummy and started the scan within seconds she said he is not moving, I said what do you mean. She said there is no movement, I'm sorry, there is no heartbeat.


My heart got ripped out in a second. I looked between Dr and midwife and asked if they were joking, it must be a joke. I repeated this over and over. This is no joke. There has to be mistake. There is no mistake. My world came crashing down around me and i was all alone.


This is all i can write today, it is enough to get this far in my story. I will write more when i have the strength. Please share this with others and let them know Stillbirth happens, it is not to be feared as there is no reason for it. I'm an mum to an angel boy and I want congratulations that I got him this far, not I'm sorry for your loss

Comments

  1. Hi Ande, I am so sorry that Riley, your little angel man could not stay with your lovely family.
    It is so heartbreaking because he is so perfect.
    What a comfort to know you will see him again, and what a happy reunion that will be.I wish I had something that I could say to make the pain go away, but please know I know how you feel, and it is a wonderful thing that you have written about your experience, because it will help others who have gone through the same experience, and to those parents and famlies to understand a little better of your deepest feelings.
    Thank you for sharing this most personal time in your life.
    My love to you and Dave, Poppy and Monique.
    Love Lorraine.
    xxx

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  2. Hi Ande,
    My Name is Rebecca, I'm Chrish's Brother Jared's wife. I just wanted to give you congratulations for a perfect little son that you will one day be with again in the eternities. You are really brave to write about him and your heartbreak, I can't understand your loss my brother and his wife also had a still born daughter at 30 weeks, she was perfect and so precious. We hope you will all be ok in time.

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  3. I am so sorry for your loss :( I lost my little boy at 19 weeks, 2 years this April. The heaviness in your heart will ease somewhat in time, you will never forget your precious boy. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Hugs

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  4. Heya Ande, such a beautiful photo of such a beautiful little boy.
    Sending lots of love to your family from ours.

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  5. not enough people know enough about stillbirth, this would have so been my story with Tori if my condition hadn't been picked up. My heart breaks for you and Dave to be going through this but Riley will be a part of your family forever and you have been blessed by the gift of him. What a gorgeous photo of your little man, thank you for sharing this precious memory with us.

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  6. Ande, you're such a strong woman and the way you talk about Riley and what happened amazes me.
    Thank you for the photo. It is beautiful.
    Irina oxox

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  7. Ande!! How did I not know that you had a blog!!!? Goodness - that was the best kept secret ever! I love hearing about Riley more. Is that pic really of him with his little hand!? It is SO beautiful.
    I know it's been over a year now, but I'm sure you long for him just as much today as you did back then, but I hope that in the past 12 months some of the sadness has gone.
    You need to post more :) Would love to keep reading about you and the girls and Dave.
    xx

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  8. Hi Ande,
    You are inspiring! and your story makes me value more what i have. thankyou. xoxoxox its takes a bave strong women to share so vivadly, and i love his photo, so precious. :)
    love you. xoxox

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  9. Hey Ande'
    i am so proud of you for what you have written here.
    That my dear takes guts!
    something you have always had for as long as i have known you.
    Such a strong willed little girl you were, always knowing what it was you wanted in this world and it carried on into your adult years.
    Thankyou so much for sharing this story, it really shows just how amazing the human spirit is. What a trully special little boy with an extra special mum.
    I read a quote the other day, reminded me of u ...i thought you would just love it...
    'women are like tea bags,you never know how strong they are until they're put in hot water.'
    -eleanor roosevelt.

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